Confidence - how to grow it

Breath To Success Member Gabriella

Breath To Success Member Gabriella

 

What is extremely satisfying is life showing you your confidence. To be the one to move yourself  from insecurity to security; what a full ride into the embodiment of empowerment. 

You are resilient. You are sure. You are relishing in the fact that you are clear.

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It's moving in discord that creates the awkward moment. 
Hold on, stay surefooted in your ability to be inspired with your action.
When it's not, we know it's off, completely off. You can feel it in an instant. It's like, "Oh, that wasn't right." Take a moment and regroup.
Not to move forward with that awkward moment. Know that there is no happy ending to an unhappy journey. 
 
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What was your  "ah ha" moment when you knew you grew your confidence?

The biggest "ah-ha" for me, when I knew that I had mastered my confidence was when I could go into a yoga class to teach and not get flustered by, maybe that student over in the corner who's doing something different than what I have instructed.

...and that's a whole other story, because now I embrace what everybody else is doing and honor the moments where students do decide to do what they need to do, because I know how good it feels.

I am not here to make a cookie-cutter yoga class for everybody. That right there is where the emotional maturity has come. You know? Letting people be who they are and recognize that they have their own agenda, and it's not mine.

I mean, maybe it is for a little bit, but then they honor their own path, and I want that for them. 

 
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Let’s talk about growing confidence. I figured the best way to really get a bird's eye view is to step back from my life. If there ever was a case study on how to become more confident in living life I know my story would be the best example.

As a young child I was so insecure, shy, everything that you could think of that was about insecurity, that would have been me. Any time a camera came out, somebody brought a camera out to take photos, I would be the one hiding, "Please don't take my picture. I don't want my picture taken." I think I even remember crying, crying because I was afraid of cameras.

What is amazing is how my life experience is now showing me my confidence. I have traveled far from that past life of extreme shyness, to now ... 

The ultimate confidence is the validation that you have moved from insecurity into confidence. When life shows you how you can shift and in that life experience, you are resilient. You are sure. You are relishing in the fact that you are clear.

That feeling of not being confident to building confidence is what grows confidence.

Twenty years ago as an insecure (I can describe it as feeling uncomfortable in my own skin) young woman my decision to become a yoga teacher was intense.

How did I overcome all of that insecurity? The fear of being in the spotlight? It took a lot of conscious effort.

Boost confidence by not worrying about what anybody else is thinking.

The first hurdle that I got over, which is a big part of what the true meaning of confidence is, is that I stopped worrying about what everybody else thought.

We all tend to want validation and approval. The classic inner dialogue of questions.

I was constantly worried about what other people wanted. What do they need from me? How am I going to make them happy? What's going to please them? What do I need to say to help them feel better, or what do they want to hear me say? All those kind of thoughts would get in the way of my ability to express who I really was.

I would let the peanut gallery run my mind, causing me to second guess anything that I would say. That does not feel good. That inner worry and turmoil, that's what causes insecurity.

The first step to truly be confident is to somehow come to a place where the opinions of others do not matter.

Of course it doesn't mean that you're not compassionate, thoughtful, kind and all of those attributes that make a wellrounded human being.

It's now that you have let go of these attributes...

  • determining how your next statement is coming out just because of what others want from you.
  • giving them something they want to hear just because your afraid of what they might think.
  • trying to fit in a mold.

The perfect gift I gave myself was to become a yoga teacher.

As a young teacher I was second guessing myself and would wonder how my performance was received. I grew out of that. Those scattered thoughts did not serve me. I knew I wanted something else. I wanted to teach with confidence.

I trained myself not to worry about what my class was thinking or how they were receiving. I stayed within my own practice of teaching. Then that's when the shine of a class happens.

I was not distracting myself into two different thought patterns. I was focused and single pointed into what I was doing in the present moment.

What happens when we worry about what other people are thinking or how they are perceiving things, we lose that central focus. We lose alignment. 

My confidence grew exponentially when I shifted focus to teaching authentically, minding my own business, staying in my lane so to speak. 

It's when we have these two split energies that causes insecurity and doubt. What do they want? What do I want?

Know that everybody has there own agenda.

The next concept to grasp is to understanding that outer validation is really not what we're seeking. We're wanting to find inner worth and inner value. Because everybody else has their own agenda. They too are focused on what they want. Even if you receive validated and appreciated from others, which feels good, no one can shine their light on you all the time.

We need to...

  • Become our own light. 
  • Create our own spiritual sparkle.
  • Become enlightened from within.

It's that soulmate concept (believing that we need another soul to complete us), it really is to mate with your soul.

We have to create our own nurturing environment, that mother within...because she's right here.

She's not outside of me. She's right here with me celebrating my successes. She is me.

Of course, this state of alignment moves in and out. To be in confident alignment all the time is not realistic. When I do feel the inner mother she is my nurturer and my supporter, I'm in tune. Then finding that inner guru, that inner landscape, that sense of ease and flow comes easy.

This powerful place of clarity comes with practicing yoga. It comes with breathing deeply. It comes with taking care of ourselves and honoring our time that we need to find peace and quiet.

For you it might be different. For me it's bath. I love my Epsom salt baths, walking in nature, my garden, loving my child, all of those things bring me into that inner landscape that is surefooted. Helping me move into inspired action, the action that creates powerful results.

The real question to ask yourself is, "what do I want?"

Confidence comes when you know exactly what you want.

Another attribute that I've discovered in myself that helps with confidence is the connection to my emotional body. I have developed awareness so that I can figure out what feels good to me.

There was a point in my life where I had no idea...

What is that movie, Pretty Woman, where she could not decide what she wanted to eat because everybody else (usually a man) would decide for her what she would like to eat. I was that girl. "Well, what are you having? Oh, I'll have that." What? Come on. Go inside and figure out what you like to do, what you like to eat, what makes you tick, what are your pleasures in life. You know? Do that.

When we can trust in our inner landscape, in our inner guru and what we believe to be true for the moment, then confidence shines. 

The more you practice asking yourself "What do I want?" the easier it will be to figure out what it is that you really do want.

It's taken me time, and maybe because I'm now in my late 40s and it's taken me all of this time to discover and feel comfortable knowing what I do want. Comfortable in my own skin.

Hopefully you'll get there quicker than I and be able to grab, honor and claim that inner confidence, which feels amazing.

The three things to boost confidence...

  • not to worry about what anybody else thinks

  • know that everybody has there own agenda

  • becoming intuitive, self aware, figuring out what you do like by listening to your emotions.

You want to choose. Choose what you like.

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